Total, uninhibited freedom of action only exists within a vacuum–NOT within a healthy, interconnected social community. In small social communities, what I do with my freedom may impact or hinder what you are able to do with yours. If each person does whatever they want, eventually one person’s actions will impinge upon another!
Get the book here on Amazon! However, my husband was looking at unschooling from the broader, spiritual concept of oneness: People don’t act or exist in isolation. In order to be responsible to each other, your freedom has to end wherever mine begins.”Īt first, I thought that he just didn’t get it and needed to go read books and “study unschooling” before he was qualified to have a conversation about it! He said to me, “Responsible, sustainable freedom has obvious natural limits. My husband and I fought about unschooling at first. I was too afraid of ruffling their feathers to gently guide them toward mutual cooperation, respect, and kindness. These unpleasant consequences may have been set into motion by my children – but I maintain that any fault in the matter was solely my own. Or, they’d tell me how I just needed to quit caring about “the little things”–to adjust ( lower) my expectations of my children. People in unschooling support groups online would say things like, “Yep, kids will be kids!” and dismiss my concerns. I was frustrated, but maybe I was just overreacting. I was so concerned about not crushing my children’s delicate spirits with the slightest suggestion that they might find unpleasant, that I’d sit back in total surrender as they encroached upon me, each other, and anyone else in their paths.įood would get wasted things we cared about would get lost, broken, or ruined from lack of care.
In my zeal to not damage my children with punitive, authoritarian parenting–to help them explore the world unfettered and autonomously…I had somehow ended up supporting and enabling my children to be hurtful & dismissive of others–including myself! I had dropped the ball on helping them to understand that everyone has freedom, feelings, and rights that we should aim to be mindful of. I finally admitted that unschooling had become a large theoretical rug to sweep all our problems under: However, the hard truth I had to stare down was that our family life had devolved into barely-contained chaos. Unschooling helped me remember that learning is inherent in human nature–and that kids are naturally good at it. There was less fighting and crying in our home, and I was able to see that my kids were indeed naturally curious, just like they were as toddlers. I let go of rigidly controlling their food, their bedtimes, their clothing, and even the movies they watched. I learned to quit judging their interests so harshly. We did it for a few years–and learned loads.Īfter all, thanks to unschooling, I’d given up spanking and threatening my children. For many parents, it can be hard to even consider unschooling–so it feels especially lousy to admit that it’s not working. Plenty of people try it for awhile, think they ‘get it’–and eventually experience burnout (or worse). There’s a lot of time (and effort!) between believing in the general concept of unschooling, and being able to successfully implement it in one’s own life. It’s harder to believe something to be true when you have not yet done it yourself. I say yes, of course–but I’ve been living this reality for many years, now. Where exactly do we draw the boundaries? How can we all get along in functional ways without stepping on each other’s toes? Is it really possible to give our kids radical freedom, without also turning them into entitled, insufferable jerks? This article is part 3 of a longer series, called Does Unschooling Have Natural Limits? Please subscribe to get future installments.įreedom can be a tough concept to grasp for adults, let alone kids.